From what I can tell, my adventures in androgyny recorded here have actually been pretty satisfying for the inquisitive and voyeuristic inhabitants of the internet. Beyond simply offering all you reader folks occasional morsels of my particular flavor of strange, I myself was afforded a much needed outlet for some of my inner ramblings. Additionally, on a few rare occasions I have even been lucky enough to offer bits of advice to odd souls lost in despair. A pretty good deal all in all, except that it left me with an increasingly strong notion that I should probably know what I'm talking about. In truth, all I really had was a gut feeling, a bull-headed zeal for trusting in it, and a leap of faith.
I sometimes find myself envious of folks who are able to accept any of the pre-existing methods for living one's life, such as those offered by any number of religions and philosophies. It honestly does sound much simpler, and I've no doubt that I'd manage to accomplish immensely more actual work. The romantic approach to life is really quite inefficient when it comes down to it, because you can always find a good distraction. Regardless of where you initially gain your ideals, you never really know who you are until you get out there and start using them. There's nothing that will help you discover yourself like a good adventure.
This leads me to a much more practical side of my reasoning for not updating my public journal here. My adventures have been filthy. Not in any sort of record-setting sense, mind you, but I have most assuredly been walking along a hedonistic path of potentially questionable decisions. Simply put, some itches demand to be scratched. I'll skip over the details (out of propriety this time, rather than shame), but to summarize let's just call it 'extreme learning'.
So then what, exactly, has a few years of debaucherous city life taught me? Frankly, far too much to ever list in a concise little article like this one, and yet not nearly enough to feel like I actually know much of anything. Sure, there have been several big lessons regarding things like emotional responsibility and the effects of actions that are motivated through love or fear, as well as some considerable practice at being a scapegoat. Far beyond anything else though, I've learned that you've gotta have faith.
Organized religion ruined the word 'faith' for me from a very young age. I couldn't see a difference between biblical stories and fiction like Tolkien's, so I just called shenanigans on that whole lifestyle. Come to think of it, I still don't see any difference, but I now recognize that faith and religion are entirely different concepts. Much oversimplified, it just means trust. You've got to trust in yourself, and you've got to trust that everything is going turn out okay. Well you don't have to, obviously, but realize that you're actively choosing to write your life's story with darker tones. There is a reason that fairy tales aren't told in grayscale.
So go have an adventure. Get a running start and take that leap of faith, because life is short. There's nothing like a near-death experience to make that knowledge hit home, but please don't wait for one. Roads go ever ever on, so have faith and keep on truckin'. Pick whatever words you like, I'm partial to Whitesnake myself. Just keep going, because things really are going to turn out okay, and always stay on the lookout for those rare few whose eyes sparkle in just the right way to match your own. And really, you shouldn't waste your time worry about the end of the road anyway, because it's the journey that really matters.
