It's probably bad that my appearance seems have gained control of my mood. A day of excellent style is invariably a good day, but as my appearance becomes scruffier, it somehow throws me off balance. I'm passively aware that I'm not my best self at that point, and doubt sort of just gnaws at you. It would seem logical that since I'm aware of this flaw, I should be able to remedy it. Yet my oft-flamboyant appearance is a good indicator that I've had little success in abandoning vanity, which is both true and probably bad. I intend to be around for another sixty or seventy years, and it just sounds silly to depend on your physical traits indefinitely. Youth is undoubtedly a part of a glorified appearance, and relying on it will only make it more difficult to endure its loss.
Vanity is fleeting, but damn it's fun while it lasts. Additionally, it's quite impossible for me to not focus on my appearance right now, and it would be foolish to try. Big surprise: puberty 2.0 is just as angst-filled as the first one, however that doesn't stop it from also being amazing and surreal. It took a long time to convince my masculinity to go through with this, and the wait has made it so much sweeter. The effects are starting to kick in, and every new awareness of that leaves me with a grin on my face. I'm not sure how staring off into space while grinning is perceived by onlookers, but I'd guess as either smugness or idiocy. In truth, I probably intend both. My inner girl is beaming that she's finally getting her chest, and my inner guy just smirks while thinking "lol boobs."
Here's bit of a timeline thing, which rather effectively displays the progression of vanity/femininity. I rarely feel one without the other.
Lastly, the same cat.
When our looks have faded we shall amplify them with loud makeup,wear even more outrageous clothing than we currently do, and sit in the sidewalk cafe while we knit fishnet shawls for each other, cackling at the young and beautiful while reminding them that vanity is healthy and should be indulged...and one thing will never change...we will always be old cat ladies!!! lol
ReplyDeletewhat is it that grounds the charge of vanity?
ReplyDeletejust curious.
somehow that word feels like it drags in an ethics, largely a judeo-christian one too (not sure if that is your intent) and that could stack the deck "against" (in the rhetoric of the question).
maybe a question for anyone is simply: how much can be effected by us and how much is what we would be in any becoming?
interesting reading here ;)